Men and Mental Health

June is Men’s Mental Health Month. Something that should be on the forefront of everyone’s mind. Mental health already carries a stigma. Men’s mental health carries a bigger one. One of shame and guilt. Recently, Timothy Fogt, age 50, died by suicide by walking in front of a semi on I-80 June 8th. He was an advocate against suicide. When his daughter’s husband died by suicide he said, “it’s a permanent solution to a temporary problem”.  My cousin Rick died by suicide in 2020. He was a psychiatrist. Having worked in the mental health field myself for 20 years, his death gutted me. I simply could not wrap my mind around it. Someone who knows all the resources and where to go for help; didn’t. Neither death makes sense. Nor any suicide to those of us left behind.

Men are four times more likely to commit suicide than women. They are less likely to seek mental health treatment due to the stigma for fear of being seen as weak. They will begin to isolate or act out and become more angry or irritable to overshadow their sadness.

A personal story. Three years ago, my husband was going through some physical health problems and had to quit his job because of them. He, of course, was worried about finances as well as his health. While he was waiting for hip replacement surgery, he had emergency hernia surgery which postponed the hip surgery. He started to shut down, stopped talking to me, his behavior became erratic (bought a truck without discussing it with me or considering our finances), he was angry at everything. One day on my way home, he sent me a text saying that he wanted to die. I called him and did not answer. I called 911. When I got home, the police and paramedics were there and so was a very angry husband who was being confrontational with the police. After I showed them the text, he was taken to the hospital and admitted to the psychiatric unit. He has not forgiven me for that. He told me he would rather be locked up in prison than a “nut house”. In fact, we are divorcing because of that. Even though he saw a counselor for a while and was put on an antidepressant, he could not believe I did what I did. It was the stigma behind having a mental health diagnosis. He was okay with me having one, but not him.

We need to take care of our men. Check in with them. Ask the tough questions. Make difficult decisions. They need to learn that it’s okay not to be okay. That it is ok to seek help. That they are not weak, they are human.

I don’t regret what I did. I know Timothy’s daughter tried to save her dad.

We need to do better. Sometimes the demons win, but together, by ending the stigma, we can conquer those inner demons and save a life.

If you or someone you know is in crisis, call 911 or the suicide hotline at 988.